Waiting....

I had a job interview yesterday. Hmmmmph.

It went really well actually. I was pooing my pants; the last time I had a job interview I was a smoker; this time all I had to get me through it was the prospect of a medium Starbucks black Americano and a chocolate chip shortbread. Which after 14 days of no carbs I looked forward to a fair bit and credit where it's due it was yum yum yum. But it was no roll-up alas.

Now the job situation. Win/win or lose/lose I can't decide. I like my current job and there are distinct con's to leaving; leaving my staff who I feel a sense of responsibility for being the main one. I only applied for another job because my position was in jeopardy and I felt I was having to go hurtling into survival mode. So I looked in the paper and there in black and white was my dream job. Well - not my dream job but dreamy for the local rag and the country bumpkin area I live in.

So I applied and got an interview and had to wait two weeks for it. Nothing in that two weeks prevented me from attending the interview and wanting the job, therefore I attended the interview wanting the job.

I came out feeling like I'd done my best. I have had one interview in my life that was a genuine disaster; some interviews you think 'oh I should have said this or that' but this particular one exceeded this massively. They asked me three words to describe myself; my mind went blank and I couldn't connect my brain and my mouth. They probably wrote down 'mute'. Yesterday's interview was not like that at all. I left wishing I'd asked a couple of questions but I felt I told them everything about me that was relevant and sold myself reasonably well.

So now... it's Friday and everyone knows we'll either be celebrating or commiserating tonight. And actually now, this moment... in bed knowing that I have to wait ages and ages and ages for the phone to ring. 60 seconds is a long time when you're waiting and I'm in a limbo land where someone else holds the key to my future and I'm not in control of my own destiny... scary! We all know what they say about watched pots so I am off to meet my friend for lunch in the hope that a lengthy catch up will suffice in occupying brainspace for at least some of my day. I almost wish I was at work. Almost.

I have been assured that my position is no longer in jeopardy and although I'm sceptical I am having to trust this so if I don't get the job I theoretically go back to my trusty faithful skipping and jumping. And I actually will. In the knowledge that I did my best to move onwards and upwards. Although it will be a bit humiliating obviously and the phrase 'tail between her legs' may be banded around. Do I care? Hmmm, a bit. Should I care? Probably not.

Most importantly nothing else changes. I still have the best friends in the world and a gorgeous boyfriend who loves me very very much. Hmmm win/win perhaps.

So I await the phone call. The funny thing is... when they call me I don't want to answer. I would rather listen to an answer phone message so that I am allowed a private reaction to whatever the news is. I know I have to answer therefore I have been practising my response and do you know what? It's actually easier to say 'Oh that's a shame' then it is to respond to the other outcome. What would I say if I got it? 'Oh that's brilliant! Thank you!' I think that's what I said last time but I felt like an idiot. Then put the phone down and start pooing my pants about handing in notice and actually doing a different job. Oh well at least I am prepared for not getting it! And like I say, there's a lovely boyfriend and a beer at the end of whichever outcome so they'll be my roll-up for today x