Still Flippin Waiting

They didn't call yesterday! 5 o clock came and went and still I kept checking my phone just in case my ears had miraculously failed me. But no. It's embarrassing if nothing else because everyone is asking if I got the job and I kind of know they feel it's not a good sign not to have heard! I'm not sure I agree but I speculated for hours yesterday before managing to convince myself that speculation is such a huge waste of time. But oh well. I was going to say 'ho hum' then but remembered how I detest that phrase and that it's so annoying I haven't yet applied my 'if you can't beat em, join em' rule whereby if something really annoys me I start doing it myself therefore becoming an annoyer rather than the annoyed. Try it, it's very liberating.

I feel extremely sad writing this blog in daily succession but I am sure the novelty will wear off at some point in the near future. I actually feel that sadness is misplaced; I love writing and now I have a vessel for it; why shouldn't I embrace it? And it's nice to have somewhere to vent to be fair and what is wrong with that? I guess I feel guilty because it's 14:38 and I've literally done fuck all all day. And it's sunny which I have ignored. And remained in my cocoon enjoying doing fuck all for once in my crazy life. This is slightly forced by the underlying feeling of 'waiting' that is present; like I feel like I can't GET ON with anything - even though it's Saturday and I know they are not going to call me today.

This morning I made a massive cup of coffee whilst watching two birds eating the fat ball I put out for them. It fills me with unexpected glee to see them enjoying this. I couldn't tell you what birds they are because I'm not yet an experienced twitcher although I could see myself heading that way. I'm not even really a fan of birds; people are always amazed by their beauty and I've never really 'got it'. They're fragile and squishy with pointy pecky beaks and pointy weirdy feet. Ewww. But the novelty of having a garden that already had a bird table in it meant that I have got quite into feeding them. However. There's always a however with me. I put up seeds and peanuts and a fat ball. The seeds have gone but the peanuts have not been touched. Now what's wrong with the fucking peanuts? As I say these birds this morning were eating the fat ball but only, I feel, because the seeds have all gone. And I'm starting to get all annoyed and refusing to fill the seeds up because I feel if they were hungry they'd eat the flippin peanuts! Is this a crazy way to feel?! I'm sure it is but there we have it!

The boyf and I have been together for two years tomorrow. It's our anniversary! HAHA. He has plans for me in the morning apparently (scary) and then we are off to visit our friend who has selfishly moved up county to a lovely sounding house in a lovely sounding little beachy village. I am looking forward to being away from the computer, the phone, the.... everything else and to spend a rare two days off with my man. So all shall be lovely tomorrow.

I've just re read this and can't believe anyone could possibly be interested in reading it but I'm going to put it out there anyway! Why not eh?!