Monday, 10 May 2010


Well! All's quiet on the ex friend front! I haven't had any contact with her at all although I am going back to the gym tonight so we may bump into each other there... The only thing that concerns me about this is the fact that one of the reasons she got so annoyed with me was because I wouldn't go to the gym! I can see why, therefore, my arrival at the gym may wind her up but I am prepared to be honest and the honesty is that she made going feel so chorelike and unappealing by trying to make me go when other things had to be my priority. My issue was, I am 33 years old, if I want to go to the gym I will go. Her issue was, I was being lazy and letting her down by not going. My issue is, the only person I am letting down by not going to the gym is myself and that's my prerogative. Although it isn't apparently! So we'll see! I felt a desire to go to the gym almost straight after reading her 'talking to you is stressful rather than pleasurable' email and I hadn't realised up until then that the reason I really did want to go was because I was being dragged there. I think subconsciously (and truthfully subconsciously) I felt that if I went I was going to please her and get her off my case and not because I wanted to. Sad eh?! I have to admit I felt a bit bullied by her; or perhaps 'harassed' is a better word and not going may have been my only way to stand up for myself!

This week has been a week of vomit. Nice. My worst thing in the absolute world. First of all Bladel Strudel ate grass and puked it straight up. Apparently cats do this when they don't feel well. He may have not felt well because I fed him prawns from my sushi so this could have all been my fault which makes it all the worse! I couldn't drag him away from the fucking grass either; he was loving it. Thankfully he puked it up outside of the house which was a bonus.

Then on Thursday we went to 'all you can eat' at The Flaming Wok Chinese. I was thrilled at the prospect of all you can eat (being obese n all). It was Dale's nanny's birthday and so it meant going with the lady herself, Dale's mum and stepdad and Dale's brothers, Luke and Mark and Mark's new missus and her two children (8ish and 17ish). Only Luke didn't come because he'd had a tantrum because Mark's new missus was bringing her children. Yes, we were confused by this too. However, I concluded in private and at a later date that the tantrum could only be due to the fact that it meant Luke would not be the 'baby' at the table and would therefore have to act like an adult. He's 21. There was embarrassment as Mark asked why Luke was not there and Dale's mum had to make excuses because she couldn't very well point at the children and say 'because of those two'.

Another important point to mention is that on the way to the restaurant Dale asked his step-dad who he had voted for as it was election day. Whilst explaining to Dale previously what type of people voted for which party, I'll cut to the chase and say I told him 'I bet your stepdad voted tory'. Well I don't think he would have admitted it but Dale's mum admitted it straight away and I cried 'I knew it! I knew it!' and went completely over the top at how I was right and how it was so OBVIOUS he would vote tory. I hate tories. Nuff said.

So we practically ate the whole menu and Dale, who was on the red wine, was sick. In the toilet in the restaurant thank god but I could tell he had been although he denied it for a while because he knew I would be utterly disgusted and mortified.

But it gets worse.

Today at work someone projectile vomited. I swear to god it was like something from the exorcist and I was completely traumatised. Thankfully she was outside and I was inside but only about 3 metres away and I fully saw the whole lot come out of her mouth. I feel I will never eat again; I am horrified. It was right by the fucking gate too! I made a colleague escort me out of different exit as I couldn't bear to walk past it. Fucking freaks honestly!

They fucking well say things come in threes eh?! I am hoping that's my quota of puke related incidents for now because they have almost driven me to an eating disorder and agoraphobia. Urgh.

Well, the election. Dale and I royally fucked that one up in the way we ALWAYS fuck things up. We left it too late to register; well we only had five years. So we didn't get to vote even after we'd read so much about each party and talked about who to vote for at length. A slight saving grace is that we never actually decided who to vote for anyway. But I can assure you it wouldn't have been tory. Ever. And I have to be honest, I'm almost glad I didn't vote, especially after studying each policy carefully. Because now it appears that these, apparently very important and unique-to-each-party policies they were all desperate for you to agree with are just flimsy wanky shit things they're prepared to drop instantly if it means the difference between winning or losing and pissing off the party they hate the most. Lovely. What a massive pile of bollocks. And I actually sat through most of the bloody thing too.

I tried making truffles again last week and they were even worse than the first lot. I liked the last lot in the end but this new lot were proper disgusting. They didn't go truffle-like either, just remained quite runny and horrid. I'm over trying now anyway; the novelty's worn off.

This weekend was a bit of a weird one; Jess is back from Sri Lanka so we all went out on Friday. I say 'out' but we were at her boyfriend's til very late. When we got to the pub we pissed Jess off by talking about overdrafts and politics. I think she thought that both were depressing subjects but it's not like we were crying into our beer; conversation was animated and I was quite enjoying the discussion! But for both of us her return was possibly an anti climax!

I was hoping to report that I am one week closer to an iphone but a HUGE electricity bill could have put a stop to that. I am devastated at that prospect; that I have to pay a bill over something I want. Especially because it's only because the electricity company have fucked up which is something that is too depressing to touch on. Hmmmph. I will get the fucking iphone though and if we have to eat pasta and rice all fucking month so be it! At least I can stay in and play with the flippin thing.

Dale still hasn't heard back about those jobs. One of them said if he hadn't heard back by the 12th so there are two more days. I can't imagine ALL of them have just written him off! We have last Thursday's paper but haven't even had time to look at it yet.

On Saturday I went to Tesco on my own. I never do that any more. Being in a relationship has made me lose my independence. Well I fucking loved it. I only spent £30. Dale and I are rubbish at shopping; we can spend £100 when we only went in for a loaf of bread. We go food shopping when we're bored for crying out loud. ANOTHER reason I am obese!

I tell you what though; the other day, Wednesday, Dale had a day off so I took the day off so that we could fuck off somewhere and discuss sorting the house out. We figured (read I figured) that it would be more fruitful to discuss sorting the house out whilst not actually in the house otherwise we would get distracted. Dale would have planted things whilst I typed no doubt. So we went up on the cliffs and talked about what we should do and where we could put things and do with the rooms that have just become massive dumping grounds. Another reason we did this from elsewhere is because Dale has a habit of bulldozing everything the way he wants it; for example... when we were moving I asked for a bookcase on freecycle. A lady replied and through the hecticness of moving there were several messages exchanged before I actually arranged for a friend with a van to go and get the book case. These messages included complicated arrangements and directions and grovelling and apologising. So FINALLY I get this bookshelf from this lady and into the house, go to work, come home, Dale has filled it with his stuff. Now at the time I said nothing of this; the fact that I had gone to so much effort to get this bookshelf and then he had just commandeered it for himself. But then he did similar a few times and I bought it up. Hence many 'it's not actually about the bookshelf, it's the principle' type conversations. And at one point, tale between his legs, Dale disappeared upstairs and when I finally went up to see what he was doing he'd moved my office around. I calmly explained that I want us to discuss where things go - I want us to agree together where things go. So if we didn't go elsewhere to discuss the house I would have found myself sat in a Dale house which would have been a jungle-like place with my stuff in the loft and his stuff on shelves for all to see.

Anyway. My point is I didn't think we could have fun without spending money but it was lovely sitting up there. We had a picnic... ah... actually we did buy the picnic from a market in the big smoke in the morning. There it is. We spent money.

On Friday we are heading up to Gloucester. Dale told me his other family - the family of his real dad - always have a party in the garden on what would have been his real dad's birthday. So we booked a hotel in Gloucester - a worry in itself as it is £35 for both of us - not even each and I'm guessing that means we get a few bin bags to lie on in room 101 or something. But then Dale rang his dad's wife and there was no mention of garden party so we may have fucked up again there... why are we such muppets? But it will be well nice to see Dale's half brother and sister anyway so we are looking forward to that. It'll be nice to get away anyway. We love 'getting away' so much that I'm wondering what we ever stick around for! We never get to get away anyway because we never have any fucking money - I just don't understand it! Due to the conversation in the pub on Friday night I am aware that everyone has debts of some sort and no-one is loaded which surprised me because no-one I know ever says they can't afford to do something and they all go to bloody music events everywhere and on holiday and I just don't get it! Perhaps we need to live a little and get a credit card. Imagine that, two people who food shop for pleasure and to alleviate boredom let loose with a credit card. A debt collectors wet dream.

Last night we broke the wood burner. A massive (and I mean massive) piece of metal fell out of it and I thought we were all going to die from smoke inhalation. Dale says he has fixed it. I am sceptical but he can try it whilst I am at the gym! Having a wood burner has coincided nicely with my brother becoming a tree surgeon and he bought us round MASSES of fantastic seasoned wood the other day. What a star.

My mum and G are in Fuerta Ventura at the moment. Jealous? Obviously.

Friday, 30 April 2010

The Latest Ramblings and Rantings

Well. This week has been pretty non eventful but you can guarantee I'll get some healthy script out of it none-the-less.

Today I made truffles. Those of you who don't know me will no doubt stop reading this blog now. Starting with 'I made truffles' will lead you to believe this blog is like the hundreds of other blogs on here where people put up quaint pictures of their kids with bows in their hair and talk about making jam and baking. I do not have kids and, just for the record, if I did I would not put bows in their hair. Especially when they were babies. You know those hairband type things with bows on that people put on babies? Never got that. Vile. Anyway. Neither do I do cooking or anything of a culinary nature. But yesterday I made shortbread and it was fucking awful so today I attempted truffles and subsequently feel quite nauseous. They are too rich, particularly if you eat the equivalent of several of them; I say 'equivalent' because I didn't actually get to forming them into neat round truffles; I just ate the mixture straight out of the bowl with a spoon. Urgh. This is why I am obese. I did at least wait the few hours it took for them to go from runny to truffle like so that's something in the way of willpower. Anyway I am now cooking jacket potatoes for us which I intend to have with salad because after the nausea inducing truffle mixture I am craving something relatively healthy; goodness here I come. I don't usually do salad; I am effectively a salad-dodger, another prep for obesity. Salad just conjures up images of iceberg lettuce and I can't bear the stuff; it's grim. It's padding. I have no desire to eat anything I label as padding. It is effectively crunchy water and therefore just utterly pointless.

I digress. Although this blog is all about what comes from digression so I can't promise it won't happen again.

[it is now 20 hours later and there has been considerable beerage and more truffle mixture consuming in the meantime]

So anyway, this week. What did it bring? Dale has applied for four jobs this week and not yet heard back from any of them. I am hopeful though as the pace of life in Cornwall is such that no-one does anything with any urgency - hence my latest job-applying antics. So I am optimistic. Talking of the job I applied for, I finally received some feedback via email today; it turns out they wanted someone with a youth work qualification so there we have it. At least I know. I am very excited about Dale getting a different job. Partly because I believe he is wasted on the current one and they treat him like crap given the fact that he is a fantastic employee and works above and beyond the call of duty always. I feel he deserves a better role. Also I need him to be earning more to be honest! Being the bread winner is extreme pressure. I think he thinks I see it as some sort of competition and that I would be disappointed if he earned more than me but that couldn't be further from the truth! After two years of being with him my feminist attitude has dwindled and I am extremely eager to be a kept woman! Now I have no disillusion that this is a realistic possibility but I would like things on the financial side to be more equal. To be honest I am a bit jealous of his position; I would quite like to do a no brainer job that paid me peanuts but it's not an option for us. Also, I earn two thirds of our combined salary and reap the benefit of half of our combined salary which does piss me off if I'm honest! Not really in a monetary sense; just in a 'pull your fucking weight' sense! Horrid aren't I?! But I really flippin want an iphone and can't afford one! Grrrrrr! I'm only being honest!

So he's applied for a job in the local bakery, a job in care home for the elderly, a support role for a guy with aspergers and a job as 'clinical imaging assistant' at the hospital. Quite a variety. I hope he gets the aspergers one. I think he would be great at it; it's local so no petrol implications and reasonable money. But I'd be happy with whatever he was happy with. And he went off the nursing home one when he attended for the interview to be honest so let's hope he doesn't get that one!

Back to the iphone. Up until this week I'd never really been interested in having one. I am always slow on the uptake when it comes to technology and I had actually thought, regarding the iphone, well now is the time to admit there's no going back; I am officially past the age of being able to understand new technology. But that was always slightly hindered by the fact that my dad has one. Now I've started to see how it would benefit me I'm feeling impatient and want one NOW. This is quite usual. I am being sensible though. I can either order one now for free and sign up to paying £45 a month for like the rest of my life (two years) or pay £90 for the phone and sign up to paying £35 a month for two years. I need to be sensible and patient and wait until I have the £90. See this is the irritating thing re the wages. I got paid yesterday and because we are monetary fuckwits who aren't happy unless we are spending we've already got hardly anything left. Out of £2,350. Ludicrous. In fact I don't actually want to dwell on that frightening last statement. So anyway. I shall wait until next month and spend my expenses on a shiny new iphone.

Other happenings this week. A friendship ended. Only a temporary one although obviously I didn't know it was temporary until it ended this week and can in hindsight tell you it was temporary because it only lasted a few months. It has been a long time since I met someone who is the complete opposite of me, which in actual fact is quite amazing given that my character is probably an extreme of some sort. This girl is genuinely cool and what originally bonded us; a desire to lose weight by attending the gym and a mutual distaste for being treated like mugs obviously wasn't enough to base a friendship on. It was an interesting psychological experiment in that we are both very forthright in our opinions yet our opinions on EVERYTHING were complete opposites. I could go into examples but it would come across as one-sided and I don't want to talk about how she was wrong in every opinion she has; her opinions aren't wrong - just the opposite of mine. It was a real dilemma for a while because conversations (over facebook as this is her favoured method of contact) were getting more and more strained and I didn't know what to do. I even asked friend's advice. Good old Michelle said 'Jesus Christ, direct her to bunny boilers anonymous and be done with it!' Annie said she was obviously a complete control freak as some of her messages were unbelievably bossy; she had got extremely frustrated when I wouldn't go to the gym because I was moving house and didn't have time. Eventually she told me that conversations with me were becoming stressful rather than pleasurable and I was so relieved because that's exactly how I had felt but just hadn't got the guts to say it! But funnily enough I didn't have the guts to say it because I thought it was mean and I didn't think she deserved me to be mean just because she has different opinions to me! But I am glad she said it because it put a stop to some heated debates that I really wasn't enjoying.

This lead to a massive facebook cull. This girl does everything over facebook and whilst I am slightly obsessed with it the fact that I didn't respond to an event she had posted actually on facebook (I had responded in person which I thought was sufficient and possibly better but apparently not) was another thing I had done that pissed her off and lead to the end of the friendship. I started thinking about this whole bloody facebook thing and the bits about it I absolutely DETEST yet put up with because there are bits of it I love and I decided I would try and get rid of some of the bits I detest. There is no way to avoid people not appreciating that the way I use it is different to the way they use it but I am hopeful that meeting someone who lacks this appreciation will not happen again in a hurry. I ended up deleting 200 people. People who were either faces from the past, or people to whom I was merely a notch on their virtual friends list. This was partly due to a boy adding me a couple of weeks ago whose name I knew as a distant friend of my boyfriend but whose photo I didn't even recognise. I added him because I recognised his name and then I thought 'what am I doing?' and realised I had entered into some sort of inane popularity competition. A completely inaccurate one because the 200 I deleted are not actual friends or even friends with me because I am popular - just to, in a lot of cases, make them look popular. How sad. But I am not condemning these people; I was the same last week. Now though I have about 190 people on my facebook who are genuine friends. I also deleted people who post things I don't want to know; one guy who posts his political views continually for example. Whilst I have actually become quite interested in politics recently I am not really interested in anyone else's political views - unless they are objective and open minded. So he went off to the virtual facebook bin. Then there were people who posted photo's of people I don't want to see. Ex-boyfriends, people who live up country, their great grandma's etc. etc. Half of that is boring and the other half is pointless - or it is all boring and pointless. Then there were people who use their statuses to piss people off and effectively bully people. Real tossers. If you've got something to say say it b'jesus. In fact if it's not very nice, DON'T fucking say it actually - keep it to yourself and let it eat you from the inside! Facebook (and other social networking sites I'm sure) are fantastic tools for bullies; 'Bully people from the comfort of your own home at the click of a button!' Fabulous. Then there were old school friends. People that I'd thought 'No way I remember him!' and added and never spoken to. I'd always looked forward to going to a school reunion but facebook's ruined this; I know what they're all up to and what they look like now. I contemplated ridding my facebook page of those huge farm/aquarium/cafe posts by deleting the crazy people who virtually water virtual plants but this included some of my close friends so I had to stop culling somewhere.

It was very liberating. Next time someone writes something that offends me - or anyone else, off they go to facebook heaven.

Also liberating is the fact that we have FINALLY given our notice at the shop. After lengthy and regular discussion about who was going to do it I decided after the (lack of) iphone annoyance that I would bite the bullet. But bite the bullet in a really wimpy way. So I text the guy. He isn't bothered so that's fabulous. We only have to pay May's money and then we have an extra £140 a month so we should be quids in next month (although you can guarantee we will have spent it before it comes).

Work has been ok this week. I have tried to get my head down and work my arse off and have succeeded for the mostpart. I have lots to do and it's a bit daunting. I would love to talk more about work on here because I feel it would be very therapeutic but it could also be a sacking offence so I'm going to have to keep my mouth shut so to speak. Or not as the case is.

I'm sure no-one's interested in the garden so you'll pleased to know that there's not much to tell. Only that Dale's been going planting-crazy and the whole fucking house is one big garden. There are plants everywhere. Apparently it's too early to plant them in the beds.

Bladel Strudel went to poo in the veggie patch and I had to run outside in socks and flip-flops - a good look - to stop him. I was really fucked off. So I have bought oranges so that I can sprinkle the peel around in the hope that this stops him from doing it again. Annoying as! It will also be beneficial for me to actually eat the oranges in light of the obesity fact.

Last night we went to the ale festival at the local and had a thoroughly good time. As usual Dale wanted to stop one pint before I did and unusually I won and am now contemplating the fact that he may have been right and therefore I consequently am wrong. :-/ We are supposed to be going again tonight; in fact we really should have saved ourselves for tonight because there was hardly anyone we knew there last night and tonight everyone is going. But this is the usual story for us. Aside from hangover and tiredness, we spent shedloads last night - I effectively drank my iphone. If we go out again tonight we may be drinking our petrol for the month. But that's never stopped us before.....

Sunday, 25 April 2010

The Weeks Goings Ons

I ended up calling the job people on the Tuesday as I still hadn't received a 'rejection' letter from them! I had to leave a message for the relevant woman who TEXT me at 9:00 on the Wednesday to inform me that they 'couldn't offer me the job'. It said they all thought it was a fantastic interview and they wished they had another position to offer me. All very suspect. I wonder if they already had someone lined up for it but that feels arrogant. I don't know, it was all a bit odd. To find out five days late and via text message n all! In addition the text said that if I wanted more detailed feedback to give them a call so I did and left another message and yet again haven't heard back! Unbelievable really. Friends have suggested perhaps I wouldn't want to work for an organisation of monkeys but I can't believe they are just genuine monkeys; I am sure there was something else going on...! Anyway, I have got my head down in my job and I am almost pleased that I can spend the summer doing a job I know like the back of my hand rather than learning a new one.

The garden hasn't come on much since I last wrote but I am just pleased that it looks better. We got the last bit of compost today so we can fill all of the raised beds and plant the (literally) hundreds of plants Dale has potted. ALL of the veggies are growing which is fabulous! We had some rain last night - amazingly the first lot in a while and I reckon the plants are loving it because even the slow-coach-carrots are showing willing. Listen to me; Charlie Dimmock eat ya heart out!

We have acquired a cat since I last wrote! In our pevious flat we looked after a neighbour's cat for 3 weeks whilst they were on holiday and they asked us if we wanted him because we were moving to a better area - PLUS they didn't let him on the bed OR the sofa and we did so he would be much happier with us. Dale was not 'appy at the prospect! The puss is 11 years old and could therefore start costing us money in the near future. But then a cat pooed in his veggie patch and one suggestion to prevent this happening again was to get a cat so we had one within the hour! He is called Bladel-Strudel! HAHAHA; he is called Blade but Dale and I have an obsession with strange names and Bladel-Strudel is his new name. Only every time I explain this it reminds me of my super-cool brother saying 'BLAYYYYYYYYDEL-STRUDEL?' in an 'ARE YOU FUCKING MAD?' voice back along! Part of the reason I was so keen to keep Bladel was because my dad liked him - or more pertinently Bladel liked my dad. Bladel curled round his feet and my dad picked him up and because Bladel didn't bite him or anything my dad went a bit soft and clearly thought he was special. It touched me a little bit! HAHA.

We tested the beer yesterday but it's not ready yet apparently. Tested the density that is, not the taste. It actually smelt like beer (I don't know what I was thinking it would smell like but not beer as I am skeptical that it will work) but I am not too keen to try it really. I will though. After Dale has tried it! We could be the next home brew casualties - watch this space!

We haven't handed in our notice in the shop yet. We are still in debate over who will do it because neither of us want to! We have to do it soon though or we will have to pay yet another month's rent! Grrrr.

My mate Jess is still in Sri Lanka and doesn't come back til the 5th of May! I have plenty of friends but they're all good for different things and Jess is my only all rounder really! I text her with a bit of gossip the other day and she loved it in the way I knew she would - just like I did! I can't wait for her to come back because I need a lighthearted girlie beery night out!

Sally came round today with her two gorgeous adoptees! They are lush but I spent most of the time concerned for the amount of strawberry milkshake they were spilling and it made me wonder if I am cut out for children! HAHA. I do despise the whole 'are you sure you want them? they're hard work' thing though - NO SHIT?! I have three websites, my own freelance admin business, a shop, a clothing range, I'm doing a writing course AND I have a full time job; I work harder than most people - ANYONE - I know, I'm not adverse to a bit of hard work and I'm not thick! It's like people saying you're not cut out to be a mum, which is a huge insult if you consider all those Jeremy Kyle chavs and their DNA tests! Anyway, enough of that rant - don't know where that came from!

Dale has applied for two jobs and has an interview tomorrow! I am so excited for him. He is busy baking at the moment because one of the jobs is at the bakery so he is trying to impress! He's making bread and profiteroles! So I will have to resist eating them....!

Today has been the most embarrassing day ever... the house we have moved to is near to one of my big bosses and I bumped into him several times today which made me feel like a stalker! I'm not sure why because I can't help it that he happens to live near me. But on one occasion Dale was doing a stupid dance and another time I was singing Eze E, which trust me is not something you want your boss to hear you singing. I am very very very keen to keep business and pleasure separate and cannot appear to do anything but act extremely inappropriately when the two involuntarily collide. I can't help it; I just act like a fucking numpty. Then Dale rang up the bakery regarding the job and got his words confused and sounded like a retard! Dale muttered 'so embarrassing' and I said 'which bit?!' and he said 'all of it, I wish I'd never got up today!' TOO TRUE! He suggested going out for a beer tonight but I have said we must stay in to avoid further embarrassment! I've spent all day cringing! We think it's because we expected it to be sunny today and therefore have endless options of things to do on our only day off together. As the weather's been shit we're a little 'thrown' and can't stop making fools of ourselves.

On Thursday we went to Miranda and Simon's for Scrabble. I love my boyfriend so much. How many people will listen to Eze E one moment and play Scrabble the next? Bake cakes, play guitar and pot plants one minute and get rendered and pinch cauliflowers from fields the next? He's the complicated mix of character traits I am and ahhhh I love him. Anyway. Scrabble with Miranda and Simon has added appeal because both Dale and Miranda are dyslexic and it's really really funny! Dale was winning up until the end and then Simon scored like 75 or something ridiculous in one go and won - very annoying! He won the second game too - RAAAAA. We are all quite well matched at Scrabble though and I really enjoy it! That may make me very sad but it's a great way to enjoy a catch up and a few beers and some decent music (joy division, the jayhawks and chris isaac on this occasion). Simon's like a walking dictionary and has a much better vocabulary than the rest of us but we are all quite good tactically and hold our own! How very boring for you! 'You'... that still makes me laugh! My adoring public! HAHAHA.

Anyway, we talked quite a lot about sex and the changes that happen when you've been with someone for ages, which I won't go into because although I'm relatively happy to embarrass myself (may as well end the day as it started!) I better not embarrass anyone else! However it was a hysterical conversation and made me laugh very, very much. Miranda also told me some gossip and showed me close up photo's of a very fat person which entertained me greatly too. Especially as Simon said he felt sorry for the person in question - until that is he saw the photo and then his sympathy dwindled and shot right through 'pity' into pure distaste!

I think this has pretty much summed up our week. We were toying with the idea of inviting people round for a wii night tonight but we haven't yet as we often sign ourselves up to doing this type of thing and then regret it, favouring 'fuck all' as an activity. We like doing fuck all. Well I do anyway. My idea of fuck all is reading a book, watching telly, writing my blog. Dale hasn't got the hang of 'doing nothing' and is one of those weird people who get 'bored'. Boredom is a concept I've never really understood; if you begin to get bored you do something - or do something else surely? Anyway, my chilli and rice and fresh bread awaits me. Bye bye Atkins diet; I shall not miss you x

Monday, 19 April 2010

Inevitable Letter

STILL nothing! It's Monday and still nothing. I have realised why though. I think. I am assuming I didn't get the job and they are sending me a letter to tell me I didn't get the job and I just haven't received it yet! Pretty rubbish way to find out - or not find out as the case has so far been. I could be wrong; perhaps they've lost my application form and have no way of contacting me until I contact them and they are hoping and praying I get in touch because they are desperate for me to work for them. HAHA. So I am guessing tomorrow I will confirm receipt of this inevitable letter and I will of course let 'you' know! On a plus side the quantity of people asking me about it has thankfully dwindled and I can go back to my ACTUAL job tomorrow... :-/

Since I last wrote Dale and I have been working on the garden. I painted all three walls white. They are breeze block walls so hard to paint and my hands and fingers are aching but the garden looks amazing. Dale has made raised beds and once we've got our hands on several tonnes of compost we'll be good to go. We have beans, peas, radishes, spinach, cucumber, multi-coloured carrots, melons, parsnips, chilli's, aubergine, cauliflower, broccoli, onions and sunflowers on the go already! One of the sunflowers has come through since this morning to my absolutely amazement - because I'm such a novice. I cannot wait until we can 'reap what we sow'! Dale also made a plinth for the barbecue that Apple gave us and the whole garden is looking fabulous. It looks so much bigger with the walls painted white! I can't wait to have barbies!

Yesterday, our two year anniversary, we spent most of the day on the garden and then made our way (late as usual) to our mate's house, who has moved to Seaton, near Looe. We had a brief conversation regarding borrowing the sat nav from Dale's parents and Dale convinced me we didn't need it even though I knew he didn't know where Looe was and I told him several times that I had no idea where Looe was. Well this was reiterated after a lovely coastal drive up the Atlantic Highway. Nearing a sign for Bideford I suggested to Dale that we could have made a wrong turn somewhere. Dale asked why and I replied 'because Bideford's in Devon' as in the wrong county. Luckily we both thought this was hilarious - we're easily entertained. So then I looked up Looe on my phone and announced 'You're never gonna believe this... we're on the wrong fucking coast!' More hilarity and then a cross country jaunt to somewhere near where we were supposed to be. With the petrol light on. What fun. Once on the right road we missed a turning and had to do a bit more cross country jaunting and giggling at how thick we were proving ourselves to be.

We eventually reached Annie's, starving. Gorgeous house n all but that's for her to tell. Seaton on the other hand - there is actually NOTHING to tell of Seaton. I have never seen such a desolate place. Apart from Lynton. Or Lynmouth. Whichever one it was. That was another Atlantic Highway Horror trip, one that ended in hairpin bends, a misplaced childhood memory and an anti climax - but as usual we made the best of it. Anyway, that's another story. Seaton; a closed pub, a closed cafe, a skanky 'restaurant' with huge Liberal Democrat signs all over it, grey sand and a flooded field. Still, we had a nice meal in the next village by which time a scabby horse would have met with 'nice' and then returned to chez Annie for a catch up which bored poor Dale senseless. It was lovely to see Annie and new pad though and you'll be pleased to hear the journey home was not 3 and a half hours long.

Today we made beer, which we have been wanting to do since Dale's auntie and uncle bought us the kit for Christmas. We needed a big bucket and finally found the exact thing in Tesco yesterday of all places. We had a row because Dale wouldn't follow the instructions! How cliched! So I am doubtful that the beer will work but we live in hope! Imagine that, our own beer! Our barbies could be the best in the county - our own beer and our own veggies! All we need now are a couple of weaners to fatten up in the field we've been eyeing up opposite the house and we need never venture to the shop again! Almost.

Talking of shops... we're thinking of giving up rental of our little shop. I'm a bit bored of STRIVING. Plus we got the shop when we lived in a tiny flat and needed room. Now we live in a bigger house we have the room and neither of us are best pleased at the prospect of spending our days off holed up in the shop. Rubbish eh. We are rubbish. It felt like failure at first but who are we trying to show success to?! None of our mates will blame us for giving it up. And we could have it again, and next time we would take it on nearer to summer so that we could see some benefit from it. Who am I trying to convince...?

Anyway that's just about all from today - oh apart from the fact that I had a text from my bestest mate who's stuck in Sri Lanka following the volcano incident. I don't know whether it's a good thing or a bad thing to be stuck on holiday. I guess the fact that your insurance wouldn't cover it would put a dampner on things! And if you'd overspent on your holiday anyway... but at present I can think of nothing better than being stranded in a foreign country...

After two days with my gorgeous boyfriend it's back to reality tomorrow. Hmmph. I could spend every minute of every day with Dale, I really could. We have so much fun together - he is brilliant. Just now he made me laugh hysterically with a mouth full of pasta about his nan falling over! I know! That really shouldn't be funny! Ahhh, I am a lucky girl x

Saturday, 17 April 2010

Still Flippin Waiting

They didn't call yesterday! 5 o clock came and went and still I kept checking my phone just in case my ears had miraculously failed me. But no. It's embarrassing if nothing else because everyone is asking if I got the job and I kind of know they feel it's not a good sign not to have heard! I'm not sure I agree but I speculated for hours yesterday before managing to convince myself that speculation is such a huge waste of time. But oh well. I was going to say 'ho hum' then but remembered how I detest that phrase and that it's so annoying I haven't yet applied my 'if you can't beat em, join em' rule whereby if something really annoys me I start doing it myself therefore becoming an annoyer rather than the annoyed. Try it, it's very liberating.

I feel extremely sad writing this blog in daily succession but I am sure the novelty will wear off at some point in the near future. I actually feel that sadness is misplaced; I love writing and now I have a vessel for it; why shouldn't I embrace it? And it's nice to have somewhere to vent to be fair and what is wrong with that? I guess I feel guilty because it's 14:38 and I've literally done fuck all all day. And it's sunny which I have ignored. And remained in my cocoon enjoying doing fuck all for once in my crazy life. This is slightly forced by the underlying feeling of 'waiting' that is present; like I feel like I can't GET ON with anything - even though it's Saturday and I know they are not going to call me today.

This morning I made a massive cup of coffee whilst watching two birds eating the fat ball I put out for them. It fills me with unexpected glee to see them enjoying this. I couldn't tell you what birds they are because I'm not yet an experienced twitcher although I could see myself heading that way. I'm not even really a fan of birds; people are always amazed by their beauty and I've never really 'got it'. They're fragile and squishy with pointy pecky beaks and pointy weirdy feet. Ewww. But the novelty of having a garden that already had a bird table in it meant that I have got quite into feeding them. However. There's always a however with me. I put up seeds and peanuts and a fat ball. The seeds have gone but the peanuts have not been touched. Now what's wrong with the fucking peanuts? As I say these birds this morning were eating the fat ball but only, I feel, because the seeds have all gone. And I'm starting to get all annoyed and refusing to fill the seeds up because I feel if they were hungry they'd eat the flippin peanuts! Is this a crazy way to feel?! I'm sure it is but there we have it!

The boyf and I have been together for two years tomorrow. It's our anniversary! HAHA. He has plans for me in the morning apparently (scary) and then we are off to visit our friend who has selfishly moved up county to a lovely sounding house in a lovely sounding little beachy village. I am looking forward to being away from the computer, the phone, the.... everything else and to spend a rare two days off with my man. So all shall be lovely tomorrow.

I've just re read this and can't believe anyone could possibly be interested in reading it but I'm going to put it out there anyway! Why not eh?!

Friday, 16 April 2010


I had a job interview yesterday. Hmmmmph.

It went really well actually. I was pooing my pants; the last time I had a job interview I was a smoker; this time all I had to get me through it was the prospect of a medium Starbucks black Americano and a chocolate chip shortbread. Which after 14 days of no carbs I looked forward to a fair bit and credit where it's due it was yum yum yum. But it was no roll-up alas.

Now the job situation. Win/win or lose/lose I can't decide. I like my current job and there are distinct con's to leaving; leaving my staff who I feel a sense of responsibility for being the main one. I only applied for another job because my position was in jeopardy and I felt I was having to go hurtling into survival mode. So I looked in the paper and there in black and white was my dream job. Well - not my dream job but dreamy for the local rag and the country bumpkin area I live in.

So I applied and got an interview and had to wait two weeks for it. Nothing in that two weeks prevented me from attending the interview and wanting the job, therefore I attended the interview wanting the job.

I came out feeling like I'd done my best. I have had one interview in my life that was a genuine disaster; some interviews you think 'oh I should have said this or that' but this particular one exceeded this massively. They asked me three words to describe myself; my mind went blank and I couldn't connect my brain and my mouth. They probably wrote down 'mute'. Yesterday's interview was not like that at all. I left wishing I'd asked a couple of questions but I felt I told them everything about me that was relevant and sold myself reasonably well.

So now... it's Friday and everyone knows we'll either be celebrating or commiserating tonight. And actually now, this moment... in bed knowing that I have to wait ages and ages and ages for the phone to ring. 60 seconds is a long time when you're waiting and I'm in a limbo land where someone else holds the key to my future and I'm not in control of my own destiny... scary! We all know what they say about watched pots so I am off to meet my friend for lunch in the hope that a lengthy catch up will suffice in occupying brainspace for at least some of my day. I almost wish I was at work. Almost.

I have been assured that my position is no longer in jeopardy and although I'm sceptical I am having to trust this so if I don't get the job I theoretically go back to my trusty faithful skipping and jumping. And I actually will. In the knowledge that I did my best to move onwards and upwards. Although it will be a bit humiliating obviously and the phrase 'tail between her legs' may be banded around. Do I care? Hmmm, a bit. Should I care? Probably not.

Most importantly nothing else changes. I still have the best friends in the world and a gorgeous boyfriend who loves me very very much. Hmmm win/win perhaps.

So I await the phone call. The funny thing is... when they call me I don't want to answer. I would rather listen to an answer phone message so that I am allowed a private reaction to whatever the news is. I know I have to answer therefore I have been practising my response and do you know what? It's actually easier to say 'Oh that's a shame' then it is to respond to the other outcome. What would I say if I got it? 'Oh that's brilliant! Thank you!' I think that's what I said last time but I felt like an idiot. Then put the phone down and start pooing my pants about handing in notice and actually doing a different job. Oh well at least I am prepared for not getting it! And like I say, there's a lovely boyfriend and a beer at the end of whichever outcome so they'll be my roll-up for today x

Monday, 12 April 2010

Books are for reading

I've toyed with the idea of writing a blog for ages but even though I'm the queen of narcissism (I rest my case) I've had the 'what to write' or should I say 'how much to divulge' dilemma. And this opening paragraph has me wondering how many others have plumped for disasterously similar opening paragraphs. But fuck it.

I'm going to tell you about something that irks me. People who lend me books. I was about to put a disclaimer in here where I point out that it's not every actual book lender that bothers me - but essentially it is. Because everyone that's ever lent me a book treats their books like porcelain dolls (vile things that they are aside).

'Don't bend the spine or crease the pages or smudge the ink or dirty the cover or...' I'll buy my own.

They have a purpose; they're not ornaments.

A lifetime of pent-up book-related rebellion eventually erupted and I decided I'd ruin my books. Not purposely. Like not go through the bookshelf with a hacksaw but as I read them I'll do what I want to them and yeah, probably be a bit overly aggressive with them. Treat them like indestructable items and if I destruct them then well, that's life. I'll read them in the bath and if they get wet so be it. I'll read them on the beach and if they get sandy so what? Lame it may sound to some but I know the rest are quaking at the very suggestion.

Who wants to borrow a pristine book? Surely if it's pristine it's crap?

If you ever borrow a book from me that I've actually read do so in the knowledge that it's been everywhere with me - and I mean everywhere. I won't be offended if you collect it in your marigolds and vow never (again) to return the lending favour.

At least I won't expect you to return my books accompanied by a certificate assuring acceptably low quantities of bacteria - but you could probably do with asking me for one.